It Isn't About You: A Kandid Chat on De-escalation and Crisis Management w/Sean DeMarco Garcia

Kandidly Kristin: Hey, hey, hey, podcast family. It is your girl, Kandidly Kristin, and this is The Kandid Shop, your number one destination for Kandid conversations. If you're new here, welcome. If you're a returning listener, welcome back, and thanks so much for your support. So I am super-duper excited to have de-escalation and crisis intervention expert, founder of Astrochemistry Consulting, and soon-to-be author of a e-book, It's Not About You: Lessons, Memories and Techniques in Crisis Communication," Mr. Sean DeMarco Garcia. Welcome, welcome, welcome, Sean, to the Kandid Shop.

Sean DeMarco Garcia: Hey, thank you. Thank you for having me on. I really appreciate it.

Kandidly Kristin: I appreciate your time. So, like we discussed a little earlier before I hit record, in our hot-headed society, de-escalation techniques and mental and emotional crisis intervention are crucial for just about everybody, not just frontline workers, but your average ordinary person. So, let's get right into it. Let's do it. Yeah. All right. So, first of all, Your company name, Astrochemistry, is interesting and different. So can you share with me the story behind the name?

Sean DeMarco Garcia: Absolutely. So I'm from Detroit, Michigan. My father was a Detroit musician, and I grew up in that lifestyle in the 70s. And my dad being a musician, like all the other musicians, he actually put out one record. He put out a 45-ish called No, I Don't Really Want It. And the label that he created was called Astrochemistry uh, records. And I always loved the name ever since I was four or five years old, the logo was fire. And, and, um, I just kind of kept that close to my heart. Cause I always liked it. I don't think he ever realized how much I really dug it. And then my, you know, my dad ended up passing away. Like, um, you know, we're fast forwarding, but my dad ended up passing away a week before I turned 48. Mm. So because I always liked the name and I am my father's son, I kind of, for me, it was just a way to keep the name going. I've always liked the name and I wanted to share it with the world, but based off of my skill set, not trying to replicate what he did when he was here, if that makes sense.

Kandidly Kristin: Okay. All right. I like it. So did you ever know why he picked astrochemistry for his label?

Sean DeMarco Garcia: No, not specifically. I have ideas because I was kind of raised in the sciences, the arts, the metaphysical. I was kind of raised to look beyond my immediate environment and realize there was a world bigger than where I was growing up, which is why I joined the Navy, which is why I've done all this other stuff and traveled and, you know, and embraced other cultures and these beautiful experiences that come with traveling. So.

Kandidly Kristin: Nice. All right. Talk to me a little bit, a little bit about your journey leading up to founding Astrochemistry Consulting, like what inspired you to focus on de-escalation and crisis innovation, intervention training, and specifically for frontline workers?

Sean DeMarco Garcia: Well, um, so I was 46 years old and I became a police officer.

Kandidly Kristin: Okay.

Sean DeMarco Garcia: So I was a 46 year old rookie and I got sent to a crisis intervention class to become a CIT officer. And I liked it so much. I really enjoyed the role play and everything. And I think a lot of that comes into play from like my entertainment background, being my father's son. Um, but I also found out that I had a knack to connect with people when we were doing these role plays. So the guy that got me into it, um, He asked me to be a coach. And at that point in my life, there were things where I was unable to do it. But a couple of years later, after I stopped being a police officer, we reconnected and I started doing some work for him as a coach throughout the state of Colorado with these different agencies. It was great. Then I became an actor because I have an acting background. So it was something I really became passionate about. And I just felt that we were because we were primarily uh, training law enforcement, I saw a need for this type of thing for all frontline workers. And then the, the, so that's where I created the company, astrochemistry consulting. Um, but also found, I said, Hey, what's a great way to promote my, my company. Hey, I'll write a book because I'm a, you know, that's my natural talent. I'm a really good. So as I started writing the book, I found that I didn't want to do a book on 12 steps to do this and nine steps to become this. And then, you know, a lot of people in today's society don't like being told what to do. So I finished the first draft of the book, and now I'm on draft two, and I'm including memories and lessons. with these techniques so that people will better get it. And then I found out, hey, what what I'm teaching here, what I'm sharing here. It's really good for anybody. It's good for interpersonal relationships. Right now, my day job is I'm a I'm a program manager of a security department at one of the hospitals here in Denver. So I have like eight sergeants under me and then I got 30 officers under them. And my main thing is I want everybody to get home safe, but I also need to remember when you, you work in healthcare, you're going to have agitated people. They're going to say things that hurt your feelings. It's not about you. Don't take it personally. And that's hard for some people because we all get triggered. We all have these different triggers. So I have these three, these three things that I share with my department and it's just really simple. Um, And so far it's worked. And people, when I, when I share with these officers, they take a breath, a breath and say, wait a minute, this isn't hard. You know, you're right. Right. You know, so, and that makes me feel good. I'm not, cause I'm not doing this to be right. I'm doing this because this is a very human thing to share. And I think if we all just gave 2% more listen, 2% more slowed down, said more, you'll see a huge difference in how we receive each other. Yes. So it's not a political thing. It's not an ethnicity thing. It's not a cultural thing. This is a human thing that I'm putting. I'm very much, and I've said this before on other shows, I'm very much a We Are The World kind of a person. It's one of my favorite songs. I was there from the beginning. I know all the words. I got the t-shirts, the DVD with the background scenes. I watch Netflix specials. But there's some truth in that, and I go by that. And because that's always been my philosophy, I have friends literally from everywhere. And it's been a beautiful experience that I've had because I've allowed that. Instead of just wanting to be right all the time, if that makes sense.

Kandidly Kristin: It absolutely does. And the reality is we are far more alike than we are different. Absolutely.

Sean DeMarco Garcia: I took an anthropology class. Yeah, we have a lot more in common than we don't, but we allow social media to divide us. Like, I mean, we know what social media has kind of gravitated to, and it's really given a platform to the ignorant. Unfortunately, the ignorant get a lot of attention with stuff that's not, that doesn't carry substance. When you get up, when you stop scrolling and you put that phone down, you still got to go back to being human. And nobody's getting out of here alive.

Kandidly Kristin: You know? Yeah, yeah. So let me ask you this. Yeah. What were or are some of the challenges that you saw frontline workers facing when dealing with a crisis situation? And how did that inform your training program?

Sean DeMarco Garcia: Well, it was two things. One of the things was you have people from certain demographics working in other demographics who didn't understand that there are cultural differences. And things were broken down to where they didn't comply. And then when you look deeper at it, it was like, well, wait a minute, was this person trained to understand the signs of someone being bipolar, someone experiencing schizophrenia. Just because someone culturally does something different than you doesn't mean they're wrong. It just means you didn't know. But once you realize you didn't know, you got to assume responsibility and say, OK, how do I better understand this individual? You know, because my big thing is we're not on this. We're not on this world that long. Right. And I don't want to spend my short time here arguing with somebody who's telling me that my upbringing in Detroit, Michigan was wrong because they didn't understand it. If that makes sense. Yes, it does.

Kandidly Kristin: You get what I'm saying? I do. And ignorance of something is not a defense. It's incumbent on the person, especially if you're in a profession that puts you daily face to face with people from other cultures, ethnicities, religion, sexualities. You need to be accountable for your own training and not just say, well, I've never seen that or that's not how we did it. And you know what I mean?

Sean DeMarco Garcia: Yeah. Yeah. Like it just cause you grew up hunting gators. That doesn't mean everybody does is going to get it. That's, you know, that's not my normal, but that's a down in that region. That's things they do. Right. You know what I mean? It ain't about whether I agree with it or not. It's not about me.

Kandidly Kristin: It's not about this. I love it. So when I was growing up, we had little bodegas, corner stores. We'd go for our penny candy. And a big thing back, and I'm not going to get my age away, so I'm not going to say the year, back then was the Asians that owned the stores wouldn't put the money in your hand. And it wasn't until much later, I had to do a little research, and I'm like, well, it's a cultural thing. They don't like touching. So they would want you to put the money down, and they'd pick it up. And likewise, they would put your change down. It wasn't about them not wanting to touch Black people or any of that. It was just part of their culture. And it's really easy to take that personally. Yes. Yes. Yes. But they couldn't explain it to me because there was the language issue. So I could either just get mad and assume whatever I wanted to, or I could find out. And that's what I did.

Sean DeMarco Garcia: And well, let's look at that, though. What do you do when you're on the other side of that with where you were, and you're in an environment that traditionally rejects or hasn't yet learned that other cultures have a right to be who they are? We end up taking everything so offensively. We're offended by everything. We think it's personal. A lot of stuff just isn't personal. Right. You know, unless you're an a-hole. You know? There's that. We got a couple of them out there, but it's just, you know, with where we are, it's just really, it's challenging. And it's a little sad. You know, I have two boys. I'm a single dad with two boys. I have 15 and 12. Wow. And I'm really careful. I have to be really careful about the world that I'm bringing them in because here's the thing. We always, how many times have you heard this? Well, we, I was raised like this, so I'm going to raise my kids the way I was raised, but you can't do that because that was 30 years ago and that world no longer exists.

Kandidly Kristin: Well, now let me just interrupt you right there. Now, there are some things that are timeless in my opinion. You know what I'm saying? Like a general respect for other people, other human beings.

Sean DeMarco Garcia: But yeah, I get what you're saying. Like my 12 year old, he was born in 2011. And he asked me the same question I asked my grandmother in 1976. And I was like, oh, crap, this is where I am. And he asked me, he said, Dad, in the 1970s, no, he said in the 1990s, was the world in black and white? And I looked at him, what? I said, what? And he was serious. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm like, oh, dude, I'm my grandparents. And I don't even have grandkids. So it's humbling. It's troubling. So you kind of got to like, you got to, you got to raise them and not be their friend until they get older. Don't want to put them in a position where we didn't have a voice growing up. So yeah, I allow them to feel and I'll allow them to, Hey, okay, well let me know what you're thinking. And honestly, you know, I'm from Detroit. Some things are just not negotiable. Get your room cleaned up, dog. Get your bathroom up. Wash your clothes, wash your face. You know, some things are not negotiable, but if they're asking because they don't understand, I owe them that rather than just getting that 1970s response because I said so.

Kandidly Kristin: Because I said so. Yeah, that is true. That is absolutely true. Yeah. So the work that you do, I'm sure that it is emotionally draining and demanding. So in your trainings, is there a component built in to ensure the mental, emotional well-being of the people you train and you?

Sean DeMarco Garcia: I am so happy you asked me that. Because the other component of this that's in the book is the more I wrote, the more I found out, and I am a living testament to this, okay? What good is it to be a frontline worker? What good is it to be there for your spouse or be in a professional relationship if your self-care for you is not there? So if you're carrying a firearm, you're carrying a baton. I don't think they do that anymore. They didn't let me carry mine. Sure. You're carrying a NASP or the pepper spray, the OC spray. And you're not taking care of yourself, and you're having troubles at home, or you're grieving, or you're just out. And then you're expected to go out and help other people that need to be healed. It's not going to end well. I can tell you, I absolutely myself in the last six or seven years were the hardest of my life. And I lost my dad. I went through a divorce. I became a cop. Then I quit being a cop and I got heartbroken by a woman. Oh, yeah, it was a perfect storm. You know, and I don't know how I made it through. I really, really do not. You know. I was just trying to survive, but unfortunately, I wasn't taking care of myself. And a couple of times in the last six years, most recently, and I'm going to share this, this is really personal. I had an emotional breakdown and I wasn't okay. I thought I was, and it was a slow decline. And anybody who knows me was watching me decline slow until it came to a head and some things ended up happening and there was some change. And I was forced to sit and reflect in a situation that I didn't ask for it.

Kandidly Kristin: Now, were you working as a consultant in this this perfect storm period?

Sean DeMarco Garcia: Unfortunately, yeah, because I'm like I'm like anyone else. I don't come from a wealthy family. I don't make. I don't make $300,000 like a lot of these women expect us to. I'm literally just trying. I'm literally just trying to be the best human. I can be the best dad, best friend. Um, and sometimes things get heavy and, you know, I haven't, I have an ex-wife who I have a great, uh, friendship with. So we co-parent really well. Um, but I wasn't taking care of myself and. I can think of moments when I was working as a coach or an actor where I did, I would, I look back on, I was like, how did I get through that? There was no way I should have been there trying to teach other people. Right.

Kandidly Kristin: Your name. Well, that's important that you recognize that. However, that recognition came that it was recognized and hopefully you've, you know, inserted some, some self care, not only into your personal life, but your professional coaching life as well.

Sean DeMarco Garcia: Yeah. I had to take a step back from everything. uh writing when I did the first draft of the book it really opened me up like and I'll share this too like um I had been seeing a therapist a psychologist on and off for the last I don't know 13 years uh-huh you know and he would the only reason I'm not seeing him now is because he retired you know And then I'm like supposed to go find another one and open up. Right. Right. I figure it out. But the most important thing was he gave me the tools. To allow myself to say, Sean, it's OK to say no to people, you don't have to say yes to everybody. Right. You know, do what makes you feel good and don't feel guilty about it, because my thing was I'm really into making other people feel good. It's one of my love languages. I nurture it. So I cook, I give away food, I do all this stuff, but I really wasn't addressing the root of what was inside of me. And I was, I was dying inside when I looked back on it. So, you know, you can't drink it away. You can't screw it away. You can't, you know, yeah, you've got to go through it. You have to go through it. That's why I don't really understand when people say, Hey, I'm not going to therapy. And you're obviously going through a challenge. So here's the thing. I got this from my favorite speaker, Les Brown. I met him one time, and I'm going to see him again. I'm going to meet him again. Les said, we don't ask for help because we're weak. We ask for help because we want to stay strong. And how many people have the emotional fortitude to really admit that and do it? Yeah. Yeah. So it all starts with the self care. There's no way I'd be able to write this book, get on my fifth podcast, live this. If I didn't go through it, if I didn't experience it, because that's really, that's what I'm good at. I'm good at being genuine, being human and being kind. I try to be kind to you. Cross me. Don't cross me.

Kandidly Kristin: Right. Kind and weak are not synonymous, okay?

Sean DeMarco Garcia: Right. Like, I'm still a spiritual being having a human experience, and I'm really hurting myself. Everyone tells me I'm really hurting myself, so I have to allow myself to be human.

Kandidly Kristin: Yeah. Give yourself some grace.

Sean DeMarco Garcia: Yeah. I'm not very stoic, so, like… No, I'm not. I think every woman I've ever been in a relationship with has seen me cry.

Kandidly Kristin: But it's a human experience, you know? That's right. That's right. It's supposed to come out, because when it stays bottled up, instead of tears, it comes out in explosions of all kinds. So you mentioned that you had two tween and a teen boys. So my next question to you is, in terms of the general public, and especially African-American or BIPOC populations, how can those people, like regular people in a situation with a frontline worker, law enforcement officer, who clearly doesn't have de-escalation in their mind or their posture, how do we attempt to de-escalate?

Sean DeMarco Garcia: Well, there are more agencies that are spending the money to get their officers to send their, their, their officers to CIT training to become certified CIT officers. Okay. My thing to anyone, okay. Is if you're in a situation and you're close to being detained or it's turning into a situation that's going to go down a bad road, ask for a CIT officer. I'll ask for it because that's CIT officer. it's going to be better trained to recognize what that other officer may not see because they didn't go through the training. Right. I think one of the things like I used to have people tell me, oh, you're too nice to be a police officer. Yeah. And I and as a person, as a man of color who was a police officer, I caught a lot of him from our community. I'm a black and brown community. Yeah. But I stood through that, and I wasn't going to change who I am because my agency at the time hired me because of who I am. I was bullied like other people. I've had horrible bullying episodes, but I don't know if I would be this strong if I didn't go through that. And I have a chip on my shoulder where I need to pay everybody back. And I'm not that I'm not that guy. We all go through bad times. Bad times make you strong. That doesn't mean it's right, but it makes you strong. Right. So being an officer. I was really I really liked serving. the community as an all, I wanted people to see me and say, Hey, Sean is here. I feel safe. I just saw Sean walking through this hall. I feel safe. Right. You know, I didn't want people to be like, Oh, well, what are you doing here? What's wrong. Right. What's been ingrained by the media. for various reasons, good and bad, you show up. Because, you know, nobody calls law enforcement on the best days of their lives. Absolutely. Somebody at the wedding would be like, call the police. You know, we show up at people, oftentimes people's lowest points that day, that week, that month. So I was really proud to kind of like be the person that didn't fit that expectation, but to be the man. that the community needed. That was one of the best jobs I ever had.

Kandidly Kristin: OK. If that makes sense. Absolutely. Absolutely. I think it's what law enforcement should be to communities. They should not be viewed as an occupying force, but part of the community, like, OK, hey, you know, this person is here. We're good. There's somebody you can go to to talk to if you're having a problem. Yeah.

Sean DeMarco Garcia: Well, you know, too, Um, when I was a police officer, everything wasn't about a summons or a ticket, right? Right. There are people that just genuinely felt they were at their wits and they needed help. And you had to, do you have the emotional forward to just say, okay, wait a minute, let me step back. What's going on here. That doesn't mean forego your safety, right? Just, Hey, this is another human being that's having some issues. What can I do for you? So, right.

Kandidly Kristin: All right, my dog is barking, I'm sorry. And ain't nobody downstairs is shutting them up. I can't live without them. So listen, in your experience as a de-escalation crisis intervention coach, what are some of the misconceptions that people have about what crisis intervention and de-escalation is, and how do or did you address them? Because I'm sure there's lots of misconceptions.

Sean DeMarco Garcia: Oh, the biggest one is you have to validate emotions when someone's in a crisis. And a lot of people confuse validating emotion with, I agree with you. Those are two completely different things. Validating emotion is saying, hey, you know what? You're going through something really traumatic and I know you feel horrible and it's okay to feel horrible. We're going to get through this. Yeah, that's validating motion. Agreeing with you is, is sad. Oh, I'm going to vote for them too. Right. Right. Completely different things. And when I bring that up, people, people were like, Oh, you know what? You're right. Cause people don't think of it just like people don't, most people don't know the difference between, delusions and hallucinations. Delusions. So delusions is, here's a delusion. I just watched a documentary on this cult on Netflix. Clearly the leader was delusional and he saw himself as God. That's delusional. Hallucinating is, hey, I hear all of God's voices. You get what I'm saying? And the guy that really got me into this taught me that. And when I really looked at it, I said, holy cow, that makes so much sense. So I took that, and I just kept it. And I use it at work. I use it in life. If I'm out going to see the Roots at the Fillmore out here or something, I just pay attention. I pay better attention to the people around me and what's going on. So I hope that I hope that answers the question.

Kandidly Kristin: It did. It did, especially about the differences between validation and agreement. That's like so critical, not just to crisis intervention, but just in life, like just because you validate or understand or empathetic to somebody with somebody is going through doesn't mean you agree.

Sean DeMarco Garcia: Exactly. It's not about how you vote. It's not about your favorite color and about How many people you slept with ain't about who you hate. That person is saying, Hey, you are really angry. Sorry you feel that way. Let's take a breath. Let's step back and let's, let's figure this out.

Kandidly Kristin: So take me into a typical day. Somebody calls you, an organization calls you and says, hey, we want to come in. We want you to come in and do some de-escalation crisis intervention training. Take me through a day.

Sean DeMarco Garcia: A lot of that begins, a lot of it begins with the needs analysis because, uh, there's sectors that absolutely could benefit from this healthcare workers, uh, training those guys when they're dealing with the elderly. Um, you know, you got people that are just taking a job cause they need a check, but they don't know how to recognize the signs of dementia and what comes with that. Um, you, It could be a one day course that I do via zoom. It can be two or three days or if it's, but if it's a full 40 hour a week course, I think that's, that includes, uh, bring it in specialists, which I'm not, but people who are smarter than me that, that can identify their particular needs. That entails a scenario based training, hiring actors and putting these people in these talking exercises and I hire coaches to monitor the situation. And if, Hey, okay. Time out. Hey, what do you think is happening here? Okay. You know, you can't, you can't, when you're in these, these, these role play exercises and the weapons are allowed and you have to remember, and I always tell people this, it's just a talking exercise. You will be surprised how many people in law enforcement that I say this to, and they're so uncomfortable talking there. Yeah. It's like, you know, you look the part you, You're very tactical. We're talking whether, and this is up for debate in another podcast, but talking can be tactical or not. But it's certainly a skill or two that needs to be developed. And when you're in these exercises, that skill is only going to get stronger when you continuously use it like any other skill.

Kandidly Kristin: Yes, absolutely. That's a perfect segue because I wanted to ask you how important communication is to this process and what are some, I guess, key communication strategies that you emphasize or use or suggest?

Sean DeMarco Garcia: Well, really for me, it's been just three things. I break it down to just three things. Listening, Okay, that's the number one. That's actually chapter one in the book. That's something none of us do enough because we listen to reply not to understand. Listening and being heard. The other thing is empathy. And number three is validating emotions. And if you lead any discussion, disagreeing in an argument with these three things in mind, you're probably going to get a little different outcome. You may not agree, but if you concur, what could become DV, a fallout, or you don't respect me, I just think those three things are really, really important. And it's something I even have to remind myself of. I get frustrated. I'm human. I get frustrated. because we all want to be heard. But it's okay to slow down and listen, have empathy and validation. That doesn't mean you agree, you know, emotional validation, not just validation, emotional validation. So, so yeah, those three things. Listening is chapter one in the book, right? That's the first chapter. That's where it all starts.

Kandidly Kristin: Listening, empathy, validation. Top three. Emotional validation. Emotional validation.

Sean DeMarco Garcia: Got it. Got it. Got it. So you're validating emotions. Remember, hey, my wife is really pissed off, sweetheart. I'm really sorry. I know you feel like this. Can we take a step back rather than you always mad? Why are you mad again? That's right. We was doing good, right?

Kandidly Kristin: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I agree. I agree. Like, it matters how you communicate, how you listen. All of that matters. How you kind of put yourself, the empathy part, put yourself in that person's shoes and try to understand, even if you're looking like it's not that serious, but to them it is. Yeah.

Sean DeMarco Garcia: Well, you know, I'm going to tell you, when I was working as a coach, You know, law enforcement draws a lot of testosterone. So you get these guys that can bench press 400 pounds. You walk around with the swagger. You got the firearms. You got the bulletproof vest we wearing. We looking good. Our hair's toned. And I get them in these classes. And because we're all human, an actor would put them through a scenario where it's, hey, my uncle died. My father died. And you don't know how close to home that hits these individuals, and they'll break down crying. And I say, time out. I'll take them out in the hall. I say, hey, is everything OK? It was like, man, I was really close to home. This is good. And I don't do that. Like, I've had a lot of people cry with me. And that's not intended. But I think it says a lot about how I approach things and allow people to be human. Yeah.

Kandidly Kristin: You know? Yeah. And it's important to know that you might be pushing a hot button for somebody unaware. And so their reaction is based on their own experience, lived experience, trigger, whatever.

Sean DeMarco Garcia: Yep. Yep. A lot of triggers. And we all have them. Yeah. You know, we all have them. Some people hide them really well. And some people don't because they were trained to react rather than respond. Yeah. And that's two different things.

Kandidly Kristin: Yes. Yes. Yep. Yep. I want to talk briefly about your upcoming book. It isn't about you. Lessons, Memories, and Techniques in Crisis Communication is the full title. Yeah. Without giving all of the good juicy stuff away, could you give us a sneak peek into some of the key lessons, techniques, memories that you share in your book?

Sean DeMarco Garcia: Absolutely. I've made sure to include some of my own experiences, not to say, hey, I went through this and your experience isn't going to be worse than mine. I don't get into that game because I think trauma is trauma. And I don't like playing that game within my black and brown community, or even with other demographics, because we all carry trauma. I'm not going to get into the, well, this happened to my people, so I'm worse off than you. I mean, who thinks like that? I don't think like that. But acknowledging that you carry a certain trauma and saying, OK, I know this is here. How am I going to work on it? And that's where I made the decision to include others, other people's lessons within the book, not just mine, because it's kind of like when you're a parent, you ever tell your kids something and they never get it, but they'll go over to somebody else's house and they'll tell them the same exact thing. They'll suddenly just be like, Hey, I just, it's like the first time they heard it. Right. You know what I mean? I have to step back because like I keep saying, I ought to get it on the teacher. It's not about you.

Kandidly Kristin: It's not about you.

Sean DeMarco Garcia: Are you, are you dedicated to the message you're saying, even if it comes from someone else? So that's why I'm including other people to share their stories. So I have a trauma chapter. I have a coping strategies chapter, and that goes into the self love thing. Um, I address a little bit of PTSD because we all carry that. And I even have a chapter on when de-escalation doesn't work. What's next? Because a lot of people don't know. Oh, well, I tried these techniques and they're just not I'm not connecting with them. OK. And what's the one phrase I say? Because then you start to take it personally. Well, I'm not connected with them. They don't like me. What do you do? You're doing something wrong. No, no. It's not about you. Step back, let somebody else step in who they can connect with. Right. You're not going to connect with everybody. You're not going to be everybody's savior, you know, because it's not about you. And I think that's a really selfless thing to embrace.

Kandidly Kristin: Yes. Because if what you're doing is really for the good of others, it can never be about you. If somebody learns a lesson from somebody else, that doesn't make your lesson invalid. It just makes you kind of cool because you introduced them to this other person or book or resource and they got it and they didn't get it from you. It's okay. I love the title. It isn't about you. I don't know if you've heard of the four agreements, but that's one of them. Don't take anything personally. That's correct. Yeah, I've read that book.

Sean DeMarco Garcia: I've read a lot of books. I was that kid in elementary school because I loved to write. I used to fall asleep reading books at night in bed when I was like seven years or eight years old.

Kandidly Kristin: I was that kid too. I was, I guess a geek or whatever you want to call it, but yeah.

Sean DeMarco Garcia: Yeah. Sorry. It's a good place to be. We need that. It was fine by me.

Kandidly Kristin: Looking ahead to the future, what do you envision for future of crisis intervention training and de-escalation training? And how do you and Astrochemistry Consulting intend to contribute to that vision?

Sean DeMarco Garcia: I'm really interested in getting into the keynote speaking part of it, like a TEDx or something, because I feel this message is extremely important. Like I said, it's not a partisan thing. It's not a religious thing. It's not a political thing. It's a human thing. And until I run into the one person on this planet that's not a human, this message is for everyone. Corporate speaking, because we all interact in the corporate environment, we've seen it, we've lived it. If you have a manager who doesn't know the difference between leadership and managing, and they're on the power trip, this still applies. If that manager took a minute to employ listening, empathy, and validation, that doesn't mean you're soft. It doesn't mean get over it. It just means, hey, okay, this isn't about me. Let's see how I can make this department better and lead them. Because there is a difference between leadership and management.

Kandidly Kristin: Absolutely. And if you use just those three things, your department is going to be so much more effective, run better. People will feel more appreciated. Absolutely. And everybody wants that in addition to the paycheck.

Sean DeMarco Garcia: Yeah. Well, I try to be fair, but also, And this goes back to what we discussed before the show started. I try to be fair, but there's also an expectation. I hired you to do a job. Show up and do your job. And if you don't like the job, this world is too big to not find something you like doing. But don't ruin it for everybody else in any profession.

Kandidly Kristin: Right. And listen, the 100% reality is everybody doesn't love their job. They're not doing their passion or purpose, but you signed up to do this. Thank you. You need to, to do it and do it in a manner that is consistent with or aligns with the company's goals or whatever. And if you can't do that, then leave, but don't, don't come in making everybody else miserable. Like go ahead somewhere, please. And thank you.

Sean DeMarco Garcia: You ever had somebody work in customer service, but they hated people? They obviously hated people.

Kandidly Kristin: And I'm like, what are you doing here? It is my pet peeve. And it's funny, I manage an apartment building for low-income seniors. So that's what I do when I'm not doing this. That's my job. This is my purpose. And I deal with a lot of vendors, contracts, stuff like that. So the other day, I actually asked a young man who had come in to give me a bid for something. And he was so amazing that I said, let me have your boss's email. And I believe in giving people flowers like I will ream them a new one, because I'll tell the boss in a minute, this is awful. But this kid was so, I told his boss, this is what you want out here representing your company. And he is the sole reason you guys are getting this contract.

Sean DeMarco Garcia: Wow, that is awesome. Wow. Yeah, they better take care of him. Where'd he go?

Kandidly Kristin: Yeah, man. Okay. All right. So Sean, I appreciate you giving me this time. It feels like two minutes, but it's actually been closer to 45. Yeah. And for coming on and being vulnerable, authentic, sharing your story and talking about what it is that you and Astrochemistry Consulting do, because it is important. And in 2024, there's so much I don't know, heaviness and rage out there that de-escalation crisis intervention is super duper important for frontline workers, for kids out here going back and forth to school, just for everybody. So I appreciate you being here.

Sean DeMarco Garcia: I appreciate you having me. And I'm very, very grateful for you having me on your platform to share my message because it's genuine and it's something I live by. You know, we are the world.

Kandidly Kristin: We are the world. But wait, we're not done. That's just, we're done with the formal part. Now we get to the fun stuff. Let's do it. We get to play 10 Kandid Questions. All right, I'm ready. Let's do it. You ready? So 10 Kandid Questions, just 10 random questions that I found on the internet. And the only rule is you have to answer them Kandidly.

Sean DeMarco Garcia: I love it, which is the premise of the show. I got it.

Kandidly Kristin: Yes. Question number one. What is your biggest pet peeve?

Sean DeMarco Garcia: That's a really good one. Ironically, people that don't listen. People that hear what they want to hear. Yeah, that's a huge thing for me. And I'm like, I didn't say that.

Kandidly Kristin: Oh, my God. I didn't even think about it until you said it. But yeah, that's a big one. which is chapter one in the book, by the way. Okay. Listening. Um, all right. Question number two, handshakes or hugs?

Sean DeMarco Garcia: Um, I mean, we coming off this, I, I, I'm a, I'm, I'm a hugs guy, but I am a middle-aged man of color and I have to be very careful about how I'm received. Okay. I'm a hugs guy. But I am not about to end up in HR because I made some young lady uncomfortable for being kind.

Kandidly Kristin: Gotcha. Gotcha. That was a great answer. It was genuine. Question number three. What's the most valuable lesson you've learned from a mistake or failure in your life?

Sean DeMarco Garcia: Oh, which failure? Shoot. This is something, this is important. I need to stop being so hard on myself and give myself grace and I'm still dealing with that.

Kandidly Kristin: Okay. That's a good lesson. Give yourself more grace, sir. All right. Question number four, early bird or night owl? Both. Okay. How's that?

Sean DeMarco Garcia: When the universe sends something through me, I have to, I have to acknowledge it. If an idea comes to me at 3 a.m. and I got my phone there and I have, and I can put it in notes or my pad or if I'm up late because I was inspired or if I was, you know, they say time is like linear and not linear or whatever. Right. When it comes through, when God sends a message through me, I have to acknowledge it or else it's going to be gone forever. And they'll give that idea to somebody else.

Kandidly Kristin: Gotcha. Gotcha. So when it comes is when you own it. 3 a.m. or 3 p.m. Yes, ma'am. All right. Question number five. What motivates you to get up in the morning?

Sean DeMarco Garcia: There's two things. My children, because I know they're watching me and the future. I see that I want and I won't get it if I don't get out of bed.

Kandidly Kristin: Gotcha. Good answer. Question six, airplane travel or road trip?

Sean DeMarco Garcia: Oh, I'm a huge road trip guy. Like I am a huge road trip. I don't mind flying. But on those road trips, you can like you see like the world's biggest string ball and they got a good cheeseburger and beer place next to it. I'm there. Plus, is this this you know, we live in a really, really beautiful country. Yeah. You know, speaking, you know, geographically speaking, America has these regions, these different cultures, these different all this stuff is so beautiful. And you can't really appreciate that the land of the country offers all of us. You don't drive it.

Kandidly Kristin: Yeah. You know, I agree. I love road trips. I don't like driving so much. The older I get, the less I like driving. But there's something about packing everything and having a dog in the car and we just go.

Sean DeMarco Garcia: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm that I'm that guy.

Kandidly Kristin: Yeah. Yeah. All right. Question number seven. What one word sums up who you are? Driven. Okay. You know what word I was going to pick? Kind.

Sean DeMarco Garcia: Oh, I'll take that too. Thank you.

Kandidly Kristin: Kind. All right. You're welcome. Question number eight, cats or dogs?

Sean DeMarco Garcia: Oh, I love both of them. I just love cats. Yeah. Me too. Here's the thing, like a dog, you get home and the dog runs to you and says, oh my, oh my God, God is home. You get home and a cat will look at you like you didn't feed me because I'm right Yeah Yeah, I like cats because they're so independent in their way of thinking and they're They're very interesting animal when you look at it, but I like dogs because You'll never feel alone when you got a dog

Kandidly Kristin: Ever, ever, ever. I like them both. I'm just super allergic to cats. So dog it is for me. All right. Question number nine. What are you not very good at?

Sean DeMarco Garcia: Wow. That's like a question you asked Vinci because he was like, that's where like my mind frame is like, you know, I'd be good at everything. What am I not good at? And it's not that I'm not not good at anything. I got a lot. I got a list of what I'm not good at. And I'm trying to pick one because my kids are going to listen to this. I suppose I'm still working on my patience as a dad.

Kandidly Kristin: Yes, yes, yes.

Sean DeMarco Garcia: I'm working on my patience as a dad because I'm allowing them, as soon as I get to a point where I'm like, okay, I'm going to be good. I realized I started working on that and I got to start over because they're constantly evolving and getting older. And then I have to keep constantly evolving to accommodate who they are, who they're becoming, if that makes sense.

Kandidly Kristin: Yes. Yes. Yes. Patience is a thing for me too. So I'm constantly working on that. I have very little patience for rudeness, ugliness, and not ugly in a physical sense, like ugly inside, um, you know, people that are unkind or like, it just, I have little patience for it. So I'm working on allowing people to have their own process and journey.

Sean DeMarco Garcia: I have an issue with the willfully ignorant. A huge issue with that. I have an issue with people that don't read books. They let memes educate them on current events. I have a huge issue with that. So, I sound like an old man, don't I?

Kandidly Kristin: Oh, 92 years old. Shoot. Those should have went up on the biggest pet peeves because I had all those are my, like just research for yourself, do your own independent thing. And before you start just sharing stuff, okay. Yeah. All right. Question 10, and this is the same for everybody. How can my listeners connect with you and astrochemistry consulting and get your new ebook when it comes out?

Sean DeMarco Garcia: I have a website at www.actc11.com. You can reach out and text me for speaking events or if you want me to do a needs analysis for your organization at 303-618-9331. I'm also on Instagram at astrochemistry. I'm on TikTok, astrochemistry. That's my business account, and I have a personal account, MrGarcia313 on TikTok. I'm also on, I have a Patreon account where I just started uploading little tidbits and free content for people to get these nuggets. I'm on Twitter. Oh, I'm sorry. X. X. Yeah. So I'm out there. I'm not hard to find. Astro, you can Google me and if you reach out to me and I know you're not a bot, I will definitely get back to you. If you know of someone that can benefit from my services, I live in Colorado, but I can meet, I can teach classes over Zoom. I've done it before. Reach out to me, but you can't get the knowledge if you don't make the call or contact me.

Kandidly Kristin: Absolutely. And the book is available on your website or will be?

Sean DeMarco Garcia: I'm on track to the book It's coming y'all I promise it is it is like and I've been pumping it up I gotta hunker down and get it done. I might need to like just block out some time and just knock this out Cuz I can I'm that good of a writer. I can get it done. So You can see the cover of the book on my website and all of that stuff so

Kandidly Kristin: Okay, and guys, whenever it drops, I will add it to the episode. Show notes, not nuts. No worries. So Sean, thank you, thank you, thank you again. Thank you for your time, your authenticity, just like a super duper awesome chat. This was so much fun. Thank you. I appreciate the work you do as well.

Sean DeMarco Garcia: Thank you. I appreciate you. Have an awesome, awesome day, okay?

Kandidly Kristin: You too. So guys, Sean's contact info, website links to his ebook when it drops will be in the show notes forever and a day. And please don't forget to visit my website at www.theKandidshop.com. That's Kandid with a K. Listen to an episode, drop me a review, share the show. please share the show. And until next time, I want everyone out there to keep it safe, keep it healthy, and keep it Kandid.